How often do you have fun together as a couple? Leaving aside day-to-day responsibilities and fully immersing yourself in your time spent together? Do you need to have more fun in your relationship? Find out how to have more fun in your relationship with this easy and dare I say it; fun exercise to do together.
What is fun?
In Catherine Price’s book, The Power of Fun, she defines fun as;
“True Fun is the confluence of playfulness, connection, and flow. Whenever these three states occur at the same time, we experience True Fun.”
She explains that playfulness is the spirit of lightheartedness and freedom—of doing an activity just for the sake of doing the activity and not caring too much about the outcome. Connection is the feeling of having a special, shared experience with someone (or something) else. Being in flow means when you are fully engrossed and engaged in your present experience to the point that you lose track of the passage of time; You know the adage “time flies when you’re having fun”?
Fun is the last thing on our to-do list
Perhaps over the years of raising your family, and working hard to provide a stable environment for them financially, physically, and emotionally, you have buried your own needs and put them aside. Fun seems to have fallen by the wayside. Often, having fun together is the last on a long to-do list in this busy period of our lives. Now though, you might have more time to nurture your relationship and build emotional intimacy.
But essentially, couples who play together stay together. This isn’t to say that you have to share all your interests and your marriage is not successful if you don’t do everything together. It’s just as important to have interests, friends, and time doing that brings you joy individually as finding common ground and time together to nurture your relationship.
Play isn’t a luxury or an indulgence but a necessity for a successful, happy relationship. John GottmanJohn Gottman
Any time can be a time for fun
Interestingly, you can have fun while doing something as mundane as the dishes, injecting a spirit of playfulness into your time together. Think about a time when you have been doing the most menial tasks, but doing it together has brought a sense of joy and happiness to the time spent together.
Do you remember how close you felt to your partner at the time? How your energy seemed to have a lightness to it, and you didn’t feel like a weight was on your shoulders?
When we play and have fun, our brain gets a hit of the neurotransmitter dopamine which makes us feel good, and if we get a big enough hit, we can even feel euphoric. Who wouldn’t want some of that?
Remember when you had fun with your partner
Take a moment and think about when you truly had fun with your partner. Where were you? What sounds, smells, and feelings did you have? Did you lose track of time? Were you laughing uproariously and filled with feelings of well-being and contentment? Perhaps it brought you closer together.
What if you can’t remember a time like this? Then your relationship is definitely lacking in fun and adventure and it’s time to change that!
How to have more fun in your relationship
Try this fun brainstorming exercise as a couple if it’s been a long time since you tried something new together.
- Plan some time that you can sit down together. Set aside this time, especially for you. Both of you commit to being undisturbed during this time and turn off your phones.
- You will need a large piece of paper or a whiteboard.
- Take a moment to take a long deep breath and ground yourself in the activity.
- Ask yourselves, what do you consider a fun activity? This may be something you have done in the past or would like the opportunity to try now.
- Write as many things as you can on the paper or whiteboard, don’t consider right now whether they are things you can do together on alone.
- Keep going until you have exhausted all your ideas.
- Next, take a colored pen. Circle the things that you are both interested in doing together. These might be a new idea to your partner or interest that’s been resurrected during the exercise.
Now make a commitment to each other to go on a date in the near future, preferably within the next two weeks so you can do one of the activities. I hope you have fun!