Before You Say Yes: Mindful Decision-Making for an Overloaded Season

, The holidays can turn into a whirlwind of “yes.” Yes to the party, yes to volunteering, yes to baking “just one more” batch of cookies. For many women, especially those with ADHD, this season of giving can also become a season of overcommitting and overwhelm.

Why We Overpromise and Underdeliver

For people with ADHD, it’s easy to say yes in the moment because the idea feels exciting. You genuinely want to help, to be part of things, and to follow through. But time blindness, the difficulty estimating how long tasks take or remembering existing commitments, can make it hard to see the reality of what’s already on your plate.

You get a dopamine rush when something feels exciting or interesting, but when this fades and reality sets in, you may realize you’ve taken on too much. Here comes the guilt, frustration, and self-criticism. You might think, “Everyone else seems to be able to manage, why can't I?” But the truth is, your brain isn’t wired to track time and capacity intuitively; it just doesn't work that way.

When the dark evenings draw in and when routines shift, it’s easy to overestimate how much time we actually have. Making decisions mindfully helps you honor what’s realistic when your energy is naturally low.

The “Good Girl” Trap

Women and girls are often socialized to please others, to be helpful, kind, and accommodating; saying yes is often a badge of honor.

When a friend of mine recently told me how she had cancelled a night out because her energy was too low, I was celebrating this with her, and saying how important it is to create a balance between giving too much of yourself to others and looking after yourself. Still, the conversation quickly turned to defensiveness as her long-held beliefs kicked back in and she said that she didn't want to seem flaky.  This is an example of saying no to support your well-being, triggering guilt or anxiety, especially if there are deep-seated internalized messages like “good girls don’t let people down.”

But remember every “yes” to someone else can become a “no” to yourself, your rest, your health, your focus, your joy. Learning to pause before you agree is an act of self-respect, not selfishness.

How to Pause Before You Say Yes

The pause is your power. Here are mindful tools to help you reclaim it:

1. Adopt a personal policy:
   Never say yes right away. Make it your standard to say, “Let me get back to you. I want to make sure I have the bandwidth for that, so I don't let us both down.”
   This gentle phrase shows respect and thoughtfulness and gives you time.
2. Check your bandwidth:
   Before you respond, take a look at your calendar. If you use a planner or digital calendar, look at how many evenings or weekends you’ve already committed. What is reasonable for you? Visual evidence helps ADHD brains assess capacity more accurately.
3. Use your body as data:
   Notice how your body feels when you’re asked for something. Do your shoulders tense? Does your stomach tighten? These signals often tell the truth faster than your thoughts do. Listen to your intuition.
4. Work out your priorities:
   Write down your top three most important priorities for this season, perhaps rest, family connection, or completing a specific project. Use these as a filter for your decisions. If saying yes to another thing gets in the way of achieving those priorities, then it has to be a no, without apologizing.
5. Do a pause ritual:
   A simple breathing exercise, like a 1-Minute Mindful Pause, can help calm urgency and allow your prefrontal cortex (your reasoning center) to come back online.

Mindful Decision-Making Is a Practice

Breaking free from saying yes too much doesn’t happen overnight. You’re retraining lifelong habit, ones rooted in culture, identity, and neurobiology. But each time you pause, check in, and respond intentionally, you build new neural pathways toward self-trust. You can rewire your brain and create new stories on what's right for you.

As the season gets busier, saying “yes” to only those things that speak to you (and “no” with compassion for yourself and no apologies) becomes one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and your family, allowing time and space to enjoy your time together without overwhelm.